Well anyways... remember all that stuff I wanted to accomplish by today? Here's what I did. (See this post.)
I got my band exam done. Naturally, or I would have failed the class. I got a 95! Whatever higher power is out there, THANK YOUUUUU! I learned how to braid my own hair, but it still looks like my kid sister did it. Well, I guess I can owe part of that to the fact that my hair is layered so random tufts stick up every now and then. Ah well. I can now put my hair into a single English braid and I'm working on Dutch. So there.
And... I went on a grand total of two walks and I'm going on one today to lunch (food!), and I did make an account on the Wii fit but my bravery has only allowed me to go on five or six times since then...
Er, found the thumb tack, did not wash my freaking 100 dollar comforter (which was so not worth 100 freaking dollars but I love it anyways. I used all my christmas money to buy it. What a wasteful person I am. But I'm gonna use it forever and love it anyways. ^^), reorganized my desk, re-hid my books, did vacuum... well, ok, my dad did but that's beside the point. And and and... I dusted and reorganized my dresser and cleansed my closet! Be proud!
And I wrote in my regular journal too, and stopped being depressed! I don't know what it is. I have been depressed for the last week or so, and today I finally pulled out of it. I have no idea how I did it but here I am as my normal sarcastic bitchy self. And it's about time.
This, my friends, is my eye... through a crystal. If only I could see the world in perfect precision and crystal clarity... but things seem kinda fuzzy in my world lately. Proverbially, of course, but I still am stuck with glasses. New frames last week, whoop de frickin' do.
Ten things I love love love (well, okay, maybe not in complete perfect order... but at least 10 and 1 are right):
10. Warm Krispy Kreme donuts.
9. Marsh Woodwinds, the best freaking store in the world.
8. Snow days, naturally.
7. Really old books who smell musty and the spine creaks when you open it.
6. "My" creek. My adopted creek.
5. The cold.
4. Rainy days where you can open the curtains, sit on your bed curled under a blanket with a steaming mug of tea, and watch it rain.
3. Even better is going out to dance in it.
2. My rainbow stud belt and these little starry glovey things with the fingers cut off that I snatched from Hot Topic for a mere three bucks. Woohoo!
1. Best of allllll...
Keeping you in suspense because you don't know what number one is.
Just kidding. My friends and my family totally get the number one spot. I love you all!
2. Learn how to braid my own hair so it doesn't look like my kid sister did it. (1/25/09 : Sorta check.)
3. Start a story and keep going, or keep writing one I've already started.
4. Learn how to play Chopin's Waltz no. 1, the Entertainer, Chopin's Nocturne no. 2, and the first movement of Mozart's piano sonata. But maybe that's a bit extreme so I'll settle for Chopin's Waltz and Nocturne. I love Chopin.
5. Go on a bunch of walks and visit my creek. I need to get outside more.
6. Muster up my courage and start an account on the Wii Fit. and find out how to put a password on it. (1/23/09 : Check.)
7. Learn to speak French. Once again, that could be a bit extreme, so I'll settle for reach level 28 in this beast-ass French game I have.
8. Play a board game with my family. We should do that, that would be nice.
9. Clean my room. Majorly. I don't think this one ever comes off any to-do list. Including, find that thumb tack that fell off the wall and is probably in my bed somewhere, wash all my sheets and find out how to wash my comforter, sort through all my old music, reorganize my desk, go through top desk drawers, re-alphabetize CDs, reorganize books, find a special hiding place for my magic books, go through my backpack from last year, vacuum (anyone who knows how to spell that please tell me cause I'm not sure), dust, dust fanblades, reorganize dresser, jewelry drawer... Okay, I'll stop here, I'm getting discouraged.
10. Not be so lazy and only post on here. I have a real journal that I actually write in. Once. I should get back to real writing too. But continue posting every day. I found this great inspiring picture, so funny. Just picture Yoda saying this in his voice with the funny sentence structure. By the way, NaBloPoMo is shorthand for National Blog Posting Month, which is every month for me! haha. (1/24/09 : Officially back in the swing of real writing, but now... but I don't feel like posting today.)
Mmmkay... that's it! Wish me luck. I think I'm gonna need it for some of these.
Oh PS Guess what? No school today either! This is great!
And this is the part where I bombard you with pictures.
I took this one (on the right, der) at like seven in the morning. They had it on the TV that we weren't going to school this morning but I'm an idiot and forgot to unset my alarm, so guess when I got on. Wheehoo. Either way, it was kind of like waking up and remembering it's Christmas morning. I felt like a little kid. I peeked out behind the curtain and took this picture. I apologize for the bad quality, the lighting was terrible and I did what I could to adjust.
My sister made me take a picture of her boot print. What a nut. And she tried to get me to take a picture of her butt print. I thought only brothers asked for that sort of thing! Augh. She's so weird....
These are the woods behind my house. Maybe you know what I'm talking about Taylor. Not exactly behind, kinda next-door. But anyways. This is them. It was so pretty today, I wish I could have gotten some pictures when it was actually snowing. But I was too busy having fun in it. =)
And this is a picture of the sunset in our backyard. I love this because you can see all the colors of the sunset, but you can see the snow too. I think words fail me, and you'll have to see what I saw through a crappy little picture on here. Enjoy.
The picture does this one no justice at all. I took it from the bottom of the street, and although you can't see any snow in it I think it's a great picture. so all in all it was a pretty beastly day. No school today, no school tomorrow. No exams tomorrow either! Yay!
Moi, croaking like a damp sponge sliding down a wall: "Whazza- wha?"
My sister: "IT'S GONNA SNOW TODAYYYYYY!"
God this girl reminds me of a rabid squirrel. Moi: "Um, right."
Those of you who know me, I'm sure you guessed already which sister this is. *sigh*
She continues: "And we aren't gonna have school tomorrow because it's gonna snow!"
What is this... snow... she speaks of? Here? In the south? I highly doubt it. I'm highly cynical in the mornings. They should be illegal.
Moi: "Whatever. Let me go back to sleep."
As if that's gonna happen.
In the past two days, I have consumed at least six of those travel-coffee-mugs of tea. I have used up an entire tissue box, and I have carted around a mixing bowl in case my stomach decides to hop out of my mouth the next time I cough. It feels like I have a fuzzy creature crawling up and down my lungs throat. I have a 100.8 fever. And a huge headache.
In short, I feel like a boiled zucchini. That has been simmering for two whole days. And badly burned during its exploits.
What the heck is wrong with me? unghhh.
This cannot happen during exam week! What's a girl to do...? Nuuuuuu! *sobs*
PS : Edited in, about ... I have no idea, four hours later? Anyways. I've been playing around online... now there's a fun little music thing so guess what! You can read my amazing blog and listen to equally amazing music as well. =) It's at the way bottom for now, until I figure out how to play with it nice to put it in the side. Dance away.
Love is a strange thing. I feel the need to quote Yvaine from Stardust here :
"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, un-bearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."
Forget it. I can't write. Have some quotes instead.
"When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." ~ Dr Seuss
"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it." ~ Curtis Judalet
"There is no living with thee, nor without thee." ~ Marcus Valerius Martial
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." ~ Erica Jong
"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her.." ~ Unknown
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else." ~ Anonymous
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." ~ Jesus
"Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear." ~ John Lennon
The End. In big, fancy, romantic letters.
I'm such a moron. Thank you. ok bye now.
My next-door neighbor is moving out and they were packing up their stuff. They had two piles- a move, and a sell. And, as I'm walking up the road coming home from school one day, I see this dusty old piano keyboard propped up against a box. So I stroll nonchalantly up the driveway and knock politely on the front door. The lady answers. I say hello, make small talk, and whatever. Then, hey, are you selling that keyboard? I jerk my thumb in its general direction. She says that she is. I ask her how much she wants for it. She thinks for a moment, stroking the imaginary goatee on her two chins. 25K, she jokes. Or just 25 is fine. I whip out my spare change from lunch money and dash into the house to steal the extra fifteen from my dad. And whabam. It's mine.
Bwahahaha. I am now the keeper of the keys.
And yes I had fun playing around on the photo editor thingy. XP But this thing is just so bitchin' cool.
Try it. I'm already having so much fun. But then... I'm supposed to be doing a million extra credit math problems, so anything is fun compared to that 0_o Please dear Lord(/Lady) kill me now.
Shall we try another one?
I didn't think so.
Ugh... I don't know how much more my puny brain can take of this exam stuff. Not cool. Exams = Not Cool. Not Cool = Stress. But guess what? Exams = Stress! YESSSS!
And thus, we have reached our conclusion to this day's basic math lesson. *falls over and dies*
You know, it's kind of funny... usually, it annoys me, disgusts me, or strikes me as hilariously funny. And we're all snickering in the corner and he usually doesn't notice. Or at least, he pretends not to.
But today, it was comforting. My audition is tomorrow and I'm scared as hell. For anyone who still reads this may be familiar with what that is, but if not, just email me I guess. Anyways... maybe it's like a security blanket to him. Wearing that same shirt. I just felt a bit depressed today and somehow him wearing that same shirt is comforting. (And gross. But comforting.)
I don't really know how to describe it. I woke up in a strange mood. I felt like the world was crashing down, everything was changing, and it finally hit me that I'm not a little kid anymore and my parents aren't going to always be here. I'm not going to have high school teachers, eventually I'm going to have college teachers, and then, none at all. I might feel like I'm stressed out right now because I've got an audition and two projects due this monday. But one day, I could be auditioning for a job in music, for real, and I could have real projects in an actual job due. It made me feel so small, like everything is changing for the worst. But when I came to school and saw him wearing that same shirt, it felt like everything would be just fine if I had that one anchor that he possibly clings to himself. We could be about to be annihialated by an atom bomb or something and he'd still wear that shirt. And if everything is going to change in my life, my lame geometry teacher wearing the same shirt can be the one thing I can expect, one of the few things I can always depend on.
And then my crappy mood was gone. Because if anything in the world could be my one constant, my dorky, geeky geometry teacher and his favorite shirt could.
Jeez, how could I have been so stupid? Look at that rainbow, but not just that. Look at the sky, the trees swaying in the breeze, the clouds floating by... I am so lucky to live in a place like this. I just took that picture about twenty minutes ago in a sunshower (a downpour where the sun still shines). And then when it was over, I turned around into the backyard and watched the sun go down. I never really looked at a sunset at my own home in that much depth- there are so many colors.
I feel so bigheaded. How could I have never seen all of nature's splendor here? I'm always wishing I was somewhere else, more beautiful... Sure, places like Santorini and Ireland and Australia and Scotland and Hawaii and Brazil and Russia and Japan are beautiful... but my own home has its own certain radiance to it, and I don't think I'll truly realize it until I'm gone.
Lesson of the day - take time to open your eyes, shrink your head, and shut up for a few moments to listen to what Mother Earth is trying to tell you.
Someday Soon by KT Tunstall
Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine
Jesus the Mexican Boy by Iron and Wine
On Top of the World by Boys Like Girls
The Call by Regina Spektor
Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day
True Love Waits by Radiohead
Hey Jude by the Beatles
Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls
The Interview by AFI
the untitled track by The All American Rejects on When the World Comes Down
Tomorrow by Avril Lavigne
Imaginary by Evanescence
No Questions Asked by Fleetwood Mac
The Unknown by Crossfade
We Believe by Good Charlotte
I Don't Wanna Be In Love by Good Charlotte
Valentine's Day by Linkin Park
Everything Will Be Alright by the Killers
The One That Got Away by Natasha Bedingfield
Getting Into You by Relient K
The Door in the Air from the Narnia: Prince Caspian soundtrack (don't even ask)
Put Your Lights on by Santana
Winnie's Choice from the Tuck Everlasting Soundtrack
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
And I think I'll stop there. Now, go cry to those songs. I promise you you will feel like shit. *sigh*
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p. m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p. m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p. m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
The trees start to thin gradually and I enter a clearing. Panting, I stop for a moment to catch my breath. I take a look around and I realize that the clearing is full of people. How am I supposed to find the one I am looking for? A flash from the clearing's other end catches me in the eye, blinding me for a moment as the sun passes over it. It is a giant mirror, though no people or trees are reflected in it.
I take off again, jogging into the crowd, looking this way and that. I call his name but there is no response, just a bunch of people, buzzing with a flurry of distant, intermingled emotions.
Finally I see him. I shout his name and he looks up.
"Cypress!" he cries upon recognizing me. (Note: Actually I'm not sure what he called me. I don't even remember if it was my own name.) He approaches me like an old friend, even though I'm unsure if I know him in the real world or not. "It's so good to see you!" he says, and he means it.
I break down and start sobbing. Understanding my fears, he draws me close and I sob into his chest. "You have to go back," I manage to choke out.
He doesn't reply for a moment, but he strokes my hair to soothe me. "There is no place for me there."
I break away, tears still on my face. "It's your home! You have to go home!" I protest. "Please, go back."
He shakes his head. "I cannot go back, only forward." It is now almost fully dark, the sun has set. There are no stars, no moon.
"Forward to where?" I ask, but my voice is suddenly lost in a strong gust of wind. I notice that the crowd is gone and we are alone. I steal a glance at the strange mirror at the clearing's other side. It is gone, having been replaced by a fluttering curtain. I cannot see beyond it.
The wind still blows softly as he gives me one last hug before he turns away and walks toward the curtain. "No, stop!" I shout, but he doesn't turn back around.
I am rooted to the spot, I couldn't move further if I tried. He nears the curtain and I stand with baited breath as he passes through it as if it were mist.
I realize that I am crying again, sobbing and screaming his name. Deep down, I know that it is no good. He is gone forever.
See, kids, I told you reading was educational.
No, actually I didn't... but anyway.
Dammit. I was hoping the first post of 2009 to be something profound but here I am rambling about Yiddish and grammar. At least not Yiddish grammar, because I'm not that great with either.
But anyways... maybe those profound dreams can be recovered.
Not to be a cynic... but I just get the feeling 2009 is going to suck. I know, I know, so pessimistic. But I was lying in bed at like four in the morning yesterday (actually that would be today...), and I was just thinking about 2008. 2008, it didn't suck. But I can't say it was my best year. It was kind of a rude awakening, like, "hey, wake up kid, the world hates you and everyone's out to get you." No more living in that stupid shampoo-commercial world, where the flowers bloom as you walk by, the sun beams upon your face, the cute guys wave as you pass and everything is pleasantly slo-mo and fuzzy. *sigh* Now that I can see it all much clearer...
Taylor has so lovely pointed out to me that, once the semester is over, we are an eighth of the way through high school.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! I feel so old! Next thing I know, I'll be lying in a hospital bed (not unlike those of Scrubs or Grey's Anatomy), dying of terminal arthritis and perpetual hair loss! AIEEEEEE!
Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.
Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)