musings about life.

As you move on through life, the world gets bigger. When you were three, you played in the sandbox and went to preschool and Goodberry's. When you were six you went to the elementary school and it was a big deal to get your nails done, and you ran errands with your mom. When you were eight you got to bike to friends' houses, you got to order for yourself in restaurants. When you were eleven you started middle school, and the commercial world opened up to you, and you went shopping when you discovered just how cool the mall is. When you were thirteen you had sleepovers and talked on the phone late into the night with your friends about boys, you joined clubs at school, you started your own babysitting business.

Now that I'm nearly sixteen the world opens up a bit more. I get to go driving, I get to worry about college, I get to balance school with winter drum line and oboe and my friends, and I get to worry about a job. I get to learn about the legal world and money and all that stuff that makes me wish I'd just stayed in bed. I still don't have any hope of a boyfriend. And soon I am promised my license, potentially the old, rattling family car. Since my father has lost his job, I won't get it because we can't afford to spend the extra money, so that's out the window.

The pressure on me is to grow up right and to do it gracefully. I'm expected to get all good grades, put enough stuff on my resume to get me into a good college. I'm expected to watch out for my sisters and set a good example. I'm supposed to stay friends with everyone. I have to get Confirmed and otherwise be a good Catholic. I'm expected to learn how to drive in time to get my license by May 1st- that way I can get a parking spot at school. (But we can't afford it anyway, so it doesn't matter.)

Basically I have two more years to learn how the world works before I'm pushed out there into it.

I kind of liked it better when my biggest worry was having to tell my mother I lost my new jump rope, but I know that these are the good times and I had better shut up and enjoy them.



Review for Feed

Feed was an interesting story. I honestly just plucked it at random off the shelf at the library. It's by MT Anderson. He himself doesn't describe the book as a futuristic novel or a science fiction, but rather... " I think of it more as a novel that uses images from an imagined future in an almost allegorical way to discuss things we're dealing with now."

Basically everyone has some little computer chip implanted in their head called a feed. It's a direct connection to the media through their brains. It channels things like ads, music, movies, everything.

I think this was a pretty cool book because it was written in first person and he speaks with a funny dialect that uses "like," "shit," "meg," (as in mega) and "unit" in every paragraph. It was cool, though, and once you got used to it it made sense. The dialect also fits in with his whole imagined future thing, because it's sort of an exaggerated way of how teenagers speak now. It took me forever to figure out what "unit" meant, though, and I'm still not sure. Dude, maybe? I dunno.

But Anderson's whole reason for writing this was to try and show us how we're being manipulated by the media. He says,

"Many people are quite frank about wanting to avert their eyes from the possibility that the world is a complicated place, one in which we all have a rseponsibility and a role to play. For example, a kid I know was talking about his vacation in Mexico. He said, 'It was just so poor down there. Basically you just had to not think about it -otherwise your brain would explode.' That's indicative of our attitude. Another quote I ended up using in the book, in a changed form, came from a teacher friend of mine: in a class discussion about England, a kid said, 'Yeah, I went to England. It was stupid.' I mean, it's a whole country! To me, that's a very dangerous American attitude: insularity. We can only become responsible citizens of the world once we start to acknowledge that there's a complex world out there that's not easy to assimilate."

Powerful and above all very thought provoking. I do recommend this one.


my head hurts

I'm kind of bored with my blog, and I'm sure you are bored of reading it. I mean I just post random things. I guess random is cool... but it's not very exciting.

I think it needs some spice...? Any suggestions, anyone?

Poetry? Photography? Vegetarian cooking? Books? Or maybe art?

Life needs purpose, so do blogs, and I'm considering a conversion. Any and all thoughts are welcome.



I know it isn't Sunday, but I never post these on Sundays anymore. In fact I barely post on Sundays at all. I've been neglecting this blog. Poor blog. I'll try to make it more interesting, and you know, like, actually worth your time.

Oh yeah, and I'm not posting ten things because I love many more things than that.

1. Warm drinks on cold days. (Read: tea.)
2. My fuzzy green pit sweatshirt.
3. Getting texts from you-know-who (less and less frequently... sigh.)
4. Getting mail.
5. The Postal Service. (the band.)
6. Turning on my computer to find messages from friends in my email inbox.
7. Painting my nails bright, flashy colors, or just plain old black.
8. The smell of spices. Sage, mint, and curry are best. does curry count as a spice?
9. Polaroid photography.
10. Rainy midnights.
11. Having a cat purr in your lap as you pet it... minus the hives/sneezing. I'm allergic.
12. Playing something perfectly.
13. When a stranger does something nice for you.
14. Chocolate.
15. Boho Photography.
16. Waking up to find snow covering the ground.
17. Sleeping in.
18. Writing zings.
19. My friends and family, of course, I haven't forgotten!
20. Writing.
21. Reading.
22. The smell of old books, and the crackle of their pages and creak of their spines.
23. Fruit and yoghurt parfaits.
24. Plates when they're warm out of the dishwasher. =)
25. Birdwatching.
26. Comments on Facebook.
27. Success after hard effort.
28. Blaring music.
29. Driving with the windows down.
30. People-watching... in a non creeper way. I just like to become part of their lives for a moment, it humbles you and makes you feel kind of small.
31. Texting boys late into the night, one in particular.
32. A's in math. Any class, really.
33. Records and record players. Same for tapes.
34. Fashion.
35. My seashell ring.
36. Knee-high socks.
37. Anything vintage or retro.
38. Vegan cooking.
39. Finding that you have lots in common when you make small talk with a complete stranger.
40. Predicting something and being right.
41. Laughing.
42. Cheering people up.
43. Movie theaters.
44. Video games. (aka gameboy color.)
45. Pretty bags and accessories.
46. Anything Greek, particularly the food.
47. Band class. I'm a nerd.
48. Politics.
49. The environment.
50. Paper cranes.
51. Daydreaming.
52. The flippity flop, hiccup, and giggly feeling that you get when you're in love.
53. Plants.
54. Acceptance and tolerance.
55. Soda in glass bottles.
56. Lava lamps.
57. Art.
58. Well thought out arguments.
59. Catching something beautiful in a camera shot.
60. You =)



I just got 3 CD’s in the mail today. One is Postal Service’s Give Up (at last! I’ve been waiting forever!), the second is The Frequency EP by PlayRadioPlay! and the third is Pretty Odd by Panic! At the Disco.

At This Moment in Time by PlayRadioPlay! is the story of my life and I hardly realized it.

From up
High you look so lonely and
When I talk to you alone you'll think
That guy he's the cream of the crop
And when you think about me, your heart will stop

So check the big times that got the heart of robot
Like the big guys the body buildin' muscle men
And I can see why you'd pick them over me
They all got, big truck, big subs, and I'm not 18

In 4 months I'll be one year away
But that’s far too long to wait, I'm afraid
So go to the dirt bike track, pick you out a man
They might be riding all the time at least they have a career plan

In 4 months
You'll be in college far away
And that's all I have to say

I never realized. The only thing different is that he is eighteen, I’m not. And it’s me who likes him, not the other way. Unless maybe he does like me. And he’s going to college, not me. Theme song.


After much research here are some things I found, directly quoted.

"i love this song.dan wrote this song about his current girlfriend madi.she is two years older than him, making him currently 17, and she is 19.at first, madi kind of had a problem with the age difference, as at the time he was 16 and she was 18. And also, madi was going away to college, and she didn't want a boyfriend while she was at college.this song is basically about how he realizes he is too young for her, and he understands if she was to choose a "body building muscle man" over him.For the record, after this, madi and dan started a sort of secret relationship, and then they just liked each other too much, and are now currently together.this is when dan wrote "madi don't leave" after she left for college.XD"

"so he's saying that he understands that she's older and doesn’t want to be with him since he's younger, but he's also saying that a lot of other guys are just clones who won't treat her as well as he does/will. "They might be riding all the time at least they have a career plan"also saying that since he's a musician and taking a risk, instead of having a steady career."

I love this song. I also adore the line "heart of a robot." It's like... you're programmed to love who you're programmed to love and your heart will really never stop beating for him. Or her.

Here is some more interesting stuff I found out about the guy behind the band, Dan Hunter. Well, I'll post another song by him- Even Fairy Tale Characters Would Be Jealous.

17 and running up the stairs my baby bear
7 lonely hours that
I've been without a shower
You and I meet in the bathroom with the water on
Steaming up the room with little but a towel on

You are my high
You are my high just like

A joint or two just hangin out the window in September on the 28th
I'll be dethroned and sent to clean up my act
4 months in a penitentiary where I can read and think I'll make it home
Everything I said last night when we were in the car
Telling you I knew I knew I knew that we would make it far
Everyone in this town will see
Someone like you could be with someone like me

Even fairy tale characters would jealous

"he is straightedge now. he use to be an avid drug user back when he was a freshman in high school. he went to rehab for four months ( "4 months in a penitentiary...") and made a complete 360 turn. he talks about natural highs, such as being in love.it's really an inspiring story."

"This song actually isn't about his girlfriend...it's about the 4 months in he spent in rehab, and replacing drug addiction with a safer kind of "high." Yes he went into rehab at 14, after the death of his Father. He was sent on September 28th, and stayed there for 4 months. But now he has natural highs, such as Madi. I think it's rather cute actually."

I love how he writes about natural highs. I am now totally inspired by PlayRadioPlay! now that I know Dan Hunter’s story. His father died, he spiraled into drug abuse, spent four months in rehab, and now he’s got a girlfriend who gives him a natural high. How inspiring. Madi is a lucky girl to have such a strong, talented guy so in love with her. Even with the funny age difference. It makes me feel better that girls can date guys like that, that age should never be a problem. Oh, and the last line? "Someone like you could be with someone like me." No words needed.

I love how much better songs are when you understand their meanings.

Quote of the week...

Turn to face the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.


Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)