on a friend.

I have this girl friend who I was tight with in high school. I love her to bits and we're really good friends.

In high school, she was always alpha and I was always omega. I always worked so hard to please her. She was one of those girls who everyone worked hard to please. I met her in kindergarten when we fought over a toy zebra, but we weren't really friends until eighth grade. In that last post, she was the third girl who Colin invited to the eighth grade dance party thing.

How she is, I don’t know; I can’t really describe it. But she always laughs at you like “you’re dumb” like she's not taking you seriously and you always have to feel like you need to impress her and you always feel like you’re never gonna be cool enough to do the things she does. She makes you the butt of jokes a lot. It's a power thing, I guess. By making people laugh at you and seeing that she made the joke and made them laugh, it makes her stronger. I don't think she does it consciously. But she definitely does it.

One day, I couldn't hold it all in anymore. She was busy kind of waving around the number of guy's she's kissed here. She acted for a moment like she was going to ask me if I'd met any guys here or kissed any guys, but then she just plowed right on talking about herself like she'd assumed she knew the answer: as usual, Carolyn is paralyzingly socially retarded when it comes to romance. Then she stopped and looked at me and asked what's up. Sometimes she's a self-centered queen bee, but sometimes she's a really good listener. So I cracked and told her.

When she learned that I was getting way more dick than her, things were more even. For a few weeks it was like she respected me as her equal, not as this little loyal dog that follows her around. But then, things kind of turned themselves around. She put Colin down and told me not to have sex with him. Not to talk to him, even.

It wasn’t that she was trying to do this. It’s not that she was trying to prevent me from being with someone I liked. She thought she was telling me this for my own good, because she saw how hurt I was and and how whipped around by him I was. She thought she was helping me. But still. When you show weakness, it puts her back in command. The second I had to rule over her, she took it and tried to get back on top.

She probably has no idea she does that.

And I let her.Now things are back where they were where it’s like I’m following her around. It was cool when we were equals. I don’t know. It was just… different. Now my sex life is like a joke to her. She teases me about opening my legs a lot. Hello? Not okay… I kind of want to not talk about that with anyone anymore. At least, not with her, because with her, everything’s a power thing.

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Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)