I brought my own sweatshirt today.

I did that so I wouldn't be tempted to ask Colin for his.

I'm trying to get over him. Desperately. This girl on the colorguard is flirting with him. Even my sister gets a little nice with him, and she has a boyfriend! Suddenly... everyone is all over him and I can't even get close. So I just back up and give him some space. I don't think he even knows. I'm doing all I can to be near him but I know I shouldn't. It's so dumb. I'm so dumb.

But let me actually tell you a bit about him before I burn up and my head explodes. I kind of want to settle this once and for all. This is kind of a post I'm doing for me so nobody feel obligated to read it all. Unless you want to xP

So what does he look like.
Well, he's ridiculously tall - 6 foot 3, and really thin, like it makes me look obese next to him. And he's really strong too. He's got pretty nice arms and pecs and shit. I love it when he picks me up because he treats me like I weigh nothing. ego boost thank you. He's got pretty short brown hair, but when he used to wear it longer, you could tell it's pretty wavy. He has these gorgeous sea green-blue eyes. Like this:
But better. He's got this really cool thing where the freckles on his cheek line up to look like the big dipper. I call him my Star Man or Spaceman or Buck Rogers or something. He usually calls me Care Bear (it sounds like my actual name a bit haha. it was my nickname as a really little girl by an old babysitter) or brown-eyed-girl (like the Van Morrison song :] he used to say he'd listen to it and miss me. that was before his girlfriend, when things were good.)

And he wants to join the air force and fly planes and stuff. And let's see... we want to go to the same college, and he's like all game to go.

Personalitywise... I'd say he's... very hard to describe. At his worst he's childish, insensitive, hard-headed, rash, selfish, unforgiving, and touchy. But most of the time he's really chill. He's chivalrous, generous- actually, I lied, when he's not being hard-headed and slows down enough to really listen to you, he's quite sensitive. He's usually too stupid to know how to cheer youu up, but he cares enough to give you a hug and a cookie. My parents love him because he's always polite and helpful and they think he's "a very good boy." Let's see... He's pretty smart too, not in all AP classes but in several. He's really good at math and history and stuff. But he's failing physics and his grammar and spelling rot.

But now. Why do I like him.

Well… first of all, he’s my best friend, and I know him better than almost anyone. I can trust him with anything. He won’t judge. Too hard. Haha.

Hang on. List time. Color coded by positive/negative- as in, why I do like him and don’t, why I should like him and shouldn’t, etc.

• We understand each other. We always know when the other needs us. It’s this weird connection we have that I can’t put my finger on.
• While we have that special connection of togetherness, there are a few things we share, attitude-wise. I can’t put my finger on those either. I think we both believe in going above and working hard and helping others and stuff. And I think we’d have similar parenting styles. Judge if you want.
• Oh right, Colin doesn’t judge me. =]
• We’re good balances to each other and we could teach the other a lot. It's like... futurewise, I'm Earth and he's sky (I want to study the planet, he wants to fly) but personalitywise it's backwards. I’m a dreamer. Sometimes, I’m fickle and vain and set my sights too high. He’s the solid ground that stabilizes me and pulls me back down to Earth. But sometimes he’s too hard-headed and simple, and I can come up with a solution that he was too narrow-minded to see before. We’re good foils for each other.
• We have very few common interests and tastes. In fact, I’d say that sometimes our tastes are complete  opposites.
• Neither of us is “experienced.” ahem.
He wants to join the military. I think this is hella admirable and a little bit sexy.
• But this would mean that either I go with him wherever he gets sent, or get left behind. I don’t know if I’d want to raise a family by myself.
• But then again, if he’s happy, I’m happy, and luckily, it’s vice versa.
• He’ll support me. And protect me. And take care of me.
• Also, he’s literally big and strong. That’s a perk too. Since I love it when guys pick you up.
• He’s got a giant soft spot.
• And he’s sweet and sensitive.
• When he’s not busy being an IN-sensitive jerk.
• At the very least, he’s honest and faithful. I suppose that his leaving me hanging is his way of making a conscious effort to stay 100% faithful to his girlfriend. Which I appreciate.
• Most of the time, he’s an immature fool.
• And he has no idea about most of the world.
• While I always lie to cover up, saying I’m the one who needs to grow up… he does too.
• HIS MOTHER. she's a nice lady, but controlling and manipulative and passive-agressive at her worst.
• I actually think it’s cute how he works to escape her and do his own thing. Again, military. Not afraid to defy for good reasons. Love that.
• He’s persistent. He tried again with me. Sort of.
• He has that wink and grin that melt my heart. And the wolfish grin that once a guy flashes me, it's all over and I'm all his.
• He’s younger. (which is against my ideal guy list.)
• Off said list, he fits numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, and 28. So actually, not damn bad.
• He’s quite a good sport.
• And my dad loves him. So does the rest of my family. I think it’s important that a guy gets along with your family.
• He’s richhhhhh. :D hahaha
• But cocky sometimes.
• And naïve.
• Not to mention hardheaded, and sometimes pretty rash.
• He genuinely cares about me, though. And we’ll definitely be friends after college.
• Like my mom always says, it’s important to fight with your fiancée before you get married to see how the other reacts to problems. Me and Colin have had our fair share of “fights.” And we handle them. So that’s good.
• Oh, he wants kids. Yay!
• He knows how to kiss.
• He gets immature about it.
• Fuck it. He’ll go my pace.
• Chivalrous and courteous to a fault!! :D
• Sometimes socially awkward. But he’s in high school, so he’ll probably get over it, I hope.
• He holds grudges like an old prejudiced woman.
• Sometimes he doesn’t know when not to make a joke.
• But he apologizes when he knows he did something wrong.
• And he’ll let you hit him too, which is always satisfying.
• He works out. xD
• And he immaturely takes his shirt off whenever possible so you know. :P
• He thinks with his dick a lot.
• But… he sees love as some permanent thing and doesn’t think relationships are just stupid things to be thrown away.

But yeah. That's that. And that's Colin. Most of the time, I don't know what the hell I see in him... but when I get caught up in whirlwind emotions and bad teenager decisions I'll think of all this and remember. I don't know if it's worth it. I don't know if I should wait for him. I mean, he waited for me, and I finally came around... but too late. We'll have to wait and see haha.

1 comment:

The Conductor said...

Don't even think about marriage, girl. One foot in front of the other. But I can see you feel for him. But he's not making the move. And you have to let him. You have to.


Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)