I've drafted this post a hundred times to try and come up with an interesting way to say it, or perhaps to come off like some tragic, witty, charming genius trapped in a mundane lifestyle, or maybe just to not sound like a total whine bucket like I'm about to. But there is no interesting way to tell you my life story.
That's what I'm realizing from
But here's the other thing.
There is also nothing remotely interesting about me. Everyone says that. Or I'm just not special.
In pit, my own section members even joke about that. They call me a not-fun bitch. And they tell me I'm old and fat. I know it's just jokes and sometimes they are pretty funny... but they're right. And it's stupid because I actually feel more alone than I've ever really felt before... I'm kind of tired of pretending to myself about how popular and well liked I've become when in reality, no one would pick me over anyone else, to face it bluntly.
Know what just randomly occured to me today? I don't really have a best friend. I pretend I do but honestly... I'm back to feeling where I wouldn't mind moving to a new place and starting all over. I guess that just means I'm ready for college. But I can't go when I'm this low, feeling this worthless.
I really want to blame Colin for all of this, for not treating me like I'm special. Or all of my
and blah blah yada yada I know the only one to blame is myself yada blah blah blah. Yes. I know that. Gah.
Sorry, world, for having next-to-nothing to offer.
I really hope my self-esteem comes back because I've been feeling like this for about two months on and off and it's getting soooo old.