So, this is happiness...

I knew it. I just knew it. When January, February, and the first half of March were busy sucking, I was praying that some magic switch would flip the day I turned fifteen and it would be all better. Yesterday, obviously I didn't feel that great about my theory.

But today ... It was like ... I was right! That magical switch that turned on the light and made the darkness stop and the monsters go away... it worked!

Today, my best friend got her first kiss (I'm not going to say who in case she wants to say it herself), and I was so happy I was finally brave enough to try sitting at an actual table at lunch with actual people. And they didn't kick me out! They actually talked to me! It was amazing!

Band class, I could actually play everything for once. I laughed along with everyone else. I smiled for real when I smiled at people, not just to be polite.

So, this is happiness... This is the dog's bollocks, man! I don't think I've been truly happy for months. Just plastering on a smile for the rest of the world, or else trying desperately to make myself happy. Or maybe it was one of my lucky, fleeting hours where I actually feel good.

Too many inner battles are raging in my head, I'm losing count. But today, even though it's raining on the outside, the sun is starting to shine on the inside.

And after writing all that profoundness and all, I'm just ready for tomorrow to suck and the rest of the month to keep sucking. But at least the sun's shining today. =)


Taylor said...

:D So glad your rainbow is shining! *huggles*

Anonymous said...

I'm happy for you toooo. =)



Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)