So about the soul searching.

I think this is widening my mind quite a bit. My good mood days are a lot more blissful, and my bad mood days are a lot more cynical and stormy. I think this might be good, because learning both sides of the spectrum (or more sides) can allow you to pick your favorite better.

Anyway, for a little over a month now I've been slamming this poor blog with all of my sometimes misguided meditation, speculating, and musing. So physically... here's what's happened to me.
- Colin has been dating her for almost exactly the same amount of time as I started my soul searching.
- I suffered over AP Biology, AP English, and endured the hardships of band practice in blistering heat (which is now succumbing to an early, premature, and absolutely frigid cold).
- My car got broken into and my iPod got stolen.
- My little bff fishie Dylan died. RIP lovey. I'm sorry I had to flush you.
- I watched four new relationships form around me since school started. I'm still flyin' solo. Why does that bug me so much?
- Avoided college applications and SAT/ACT prep.

Most things are still pretty unclear, but here's what I have learned for sure so far:
- The difference between a tourist and a traveler. A tourist seeks a destination, a traveler seeks a journey. Metaphorically speaking, of course. :)
- Sometimes, things don't play out according to your visions...
- But sometimes it's because of stuff you did or didn't do.
- There is no controlling anyone else. No one shapes your destiny but you.
- Oh, my bad, no one has a destiny. You do what you want.
- Sometimes I judge people for doing the same shit I do.
- And sometimes when you want someone to empathize with you, but you don't ever communicate your feelings, then they really would have a hard time with that, so you shouldn't get mad at them.
- You can still find meaning by doing ordinary, mundane things. You don't have to pack your bags and set off for the mountains. (Although that would be nice ^^)

And here are the things I should learn... I think. It's stuff people say. And they're all probably right but I haven't quite wrapped my head around it and accepted it all yet...
- Moving on is natural for everyone?
- After your first love, you'll find love again?
- I create my own opportunities?
- I create my own happiness?
- I am worth something?
- Doing something for myself doesn't equal selfishness?

But yeah that's like my one-monthish report. And now, some lovely pictures which make me happy or inspire me, but mostly both. :)

1 comment:

The Conductor said...

It's true. The world will keep revolving, and better things await you.


Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)