so i've had a headache for like the past two weeks and it's kinda driving me crazy.

Yeah, remember those electrical, pulsating headaches I get because of my anti-depressant withdrawl that I told you about like two months ago? Yeah, it's still happening, and on top of it all I'm still a negative bitchy dinosaur without the meds.

Almost all of my friends are driving me completely crazy and I just wish it was summer already so I can just not have to see them and cool off.

I'm just so angry lately and lashing out at everything. And everything that I thought I finally pieced together about life this year kind of proved wrong. Now I STILL can't tell my friends from enemies from just random people who don't matter in the big scheme of things. (am i one of those people who doesn't matter in the big scheme of things? kinda scary thought) I'm still terrified of college a little bit, and more and more my parents are telling me to move out and live on campus like i'm terrified of. I'm being a big baby about it, really. and I'm totally torn. part of me wants to move the hell out of this screwed up town and get as far from here as possible, but part of me is just paralyzed by fear and too terrified to leave.

I don't know what to do anymore, which sucks, because a month ago, I had life figured out. GAHHHH. I can't tell if my life realy sucks or if it's the lack of antidepressants, or if the antidepressants had temporarily deluded me into thinking life was great and now i'm back to knowing that it sucks.

Note to self: Never EVER again take meds that mess with your brain. Because now I'm just having a hard time finding the truth.


Searching Life said...

Sorry if my commenting seems weird; but I have been feeling the same way as you for a while now, so I figured that I would share my thoughts. As cliche as it may sound, it is important to be praying about it. I think your fear is pretty legitimate. It is hard to be a big baby about such a huge thing. About two months ago, I had to move out of my house. It was terrifying, and I am honestly still afraid. But, God brought things together and he is still continuing to do incredible things. I want to go back, but I know that it is not where He wants me to be. The more I see that he has other amazing things planned, the less and less I want to go back.

I am not saying that you should do the same; I am in no position for that. But if it is something that He is leading you to do, just know that even if you are terrified he is in control. God directs those who are moving, one step at a time. Regardless of your decision, you will come out stronger in the end. That is just the way God does things.

And yeah, anti-depressants suck...

Cypress said...

Oh, it's not weird at all! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and post some advice for me. Yeah, I've really kind of been straying off my Christian path lately >.> and so it's really nice to hear that sort of stuff. Thank you for taking the time to comment!! <3

Searching Life said...

Your welcome. :) I just figured because I have been there, still am actually. As one of my friends would say, "I smell what you're stepping in" lol.

Anyway, it would have been even harder without the support of my Christian friends. But remember that people will let you down; God won't :)

There I go...rambling again. It is fun though. Feel free to shut me up if you wish.


Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)