7.28.2010

betrayal.

Today my mom said she'd order me a vegetarian sandwich for lunch, since it's the first day of full band camp. she came back with a BLT marked as vegetarian. Thank goodness I checked.

For dinner, my sisters and I ate pizza hut food. I was ordered pizza bites, and I figured that since they were ordered specially for me, they were okay. It wasn't until after eating two of these that I noticed how flat and not oozy the red sauce was. I realized it was not sauce, but pepperoni.

And all I can think about is how probably fifteen or so pepperoni's are just sitting in my stomach. Why didn't I recognize the taste or the texture? Why didn't I examine the sauce sooner? All I can do is cry, and apologize over and over and over, and feel like a monster, unclean, impure, savage. I feel sick. Time will tell to see how physically sick I might or might not be.

I just didn't think the world would betray me twice in one day... The worst part was, after my mother found me, tear-streaked, picking apart the rolls so I wouldn't waste any money, she was like, "Oh my God, I can't believe you're really crying. You're being way too serious about this." Um hello. I told you this wasn't a phase and I'm not going back to eating meat. I know she didn't try to sabotage me but still...

Bad. day.

3 comments:

Shinichi-kun said...

well, im not a veg, nor do i understand why people are when we were made to eat meat, however, think of it this way, you didn't do it on purpose, its not your fault. Besides the meat was probably fake anyway, and even if it wasn't, there is no reason to be so upset over it, everyone makes mistakes, plenty of my veg friends have slipped up before, but a least 2 of them have the sense to get over it, because none of it was their fault.

Madeline said...

I'm a vegetarian. Have been for three years. It's not too hard. I promise. The hardest part is the people you have to deal with about it. Fact: I have not missed meat once. Fact: I've converted two people to vegitarianism.
Don't worry about it. Mistakes happen.
New argument: Maybe we're supposed to eat meat, but nowhere does it say we're supposed to treat animals inhumanely. I know there are some slaughterhouses that do it right. Temple Grandin style. But some do not, and it's very difficult to tell the difference. I would rather not eat meat than question the life of the bit of flesh in front of me. No reason to question us. :) Because if it were just about the deaths of the creatures, we'd all eat meat. It wasn't until we knew what was going down in major meat corporations that vegitarianism existed mainstream. It's about their lives.
So be proud of yourself. You're doing your best to make a difference. Slip ups happen.

Cypress said...

i wish i could "like" your comments:)

Hello!

Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)