what is love? (baby don't hurt me... don't hurt me... no more...)

Today I was reading a paper about shale oil for my environmental science class, and the following thought randomly occurred to me.

I don't think you ever really stop loving anybody. I don't think there's such thing as falling out of love. If you really love somebody... I don't think that will ever die.

Maybe you can say you loved somebody in the past, but maybe you were just blinded by something else you mistook for love, like lust or infatuation.

I mean... for a long time I was never sure what I thought love is... but now I think I have a better idea (why shale oil made me think about this, I have no clue). I mean, I still don't think I can define it, but I'll try. So here goes. (Nazi-note: using poor grammar- "their" replaces "him/her" because i'm too lazy to type that out lol ;D)

  • When you love someone, their happiness is your happiness. When they're happy, it makes you happy. You'll do everything you can, including sacrifice your own happiness, to make them happy.
  • You smile when you see them, like, really smile. 
  • You get truly angry at them.
  • But you forgive them.
  • and you give them another clean slate.
  • You want to take care of them. I guess this connects to the happiness thing.
  • You don't really give a shit about what they look like. It's great when they look cute but if they wear sweatpants or have a bad hair day or a zit or something, who gives a shit? Not you. You don't care if they fart in your presence. Whatever. 
  • You can tease each other and point out each other's problems. You genuinely care about helping the other person to be their best.
  • You've seen them at their best and worst and you stay with them anyway.
  • Like, even if they make stupid mistakes, act like fools, or have a particularly annoying habit, you still care about them. 
I don't know. Now I'm out of ideas.
I kept telling myself I shouldn't love Colin.

Now I'm like... 
What the hell? Why should I stop loving him? Love is a good thing. You can still love someone without exclusively focusing all of your energy on them. I can go about my life. I can date other guys. And I can still love him. Maybe it's not giving up; it's not forcing myself to change the way I feel and to beating myself up when I can't. It's living with it, accepting it, embracing it, and keeping on just living life. Not tied down by how I should or shouldn't feel. 

People have big hearts. Maybe we're capable of spreading love around to more than one person. Maybe we won't have just one great love in our lives. I mean, how lonely would that be. Maybe there are more, and maybe love doesn't have to end when the "relationship" does. 

Maybe in time I'll "get over" him and realize that perhaps it wasn't love after all. Maybe I won't. But I'm not going to let "love" tie me down anymore. Word on the street is, love is supposed to be a liberating feeling. Feeling caged by love, that's not what love does. That's what fear does. 

So now I'm letting go of my fear. I'm not going to be afraid to feel the way I feel for him. I'm not going to fear that that was it, that was the end for us, and he's gonna marry some other chick. Who cares? That's nothing I can control and it can't change how I feel for him. That doesn't mean some part of him doesn't still love me too. (Which deep down, I know there is some part. Somewhere! He told me that, cryptically, a week or so back.) But if you love something, you can let it go and not be afraid. Letting go doesn't mean you have to stop caring.

here goes nothing. 
*lets go*
*but doesn't stop loving*


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Wow, you really read all that? Danggg. Props! =]

Well, I see you've just had the imponderable joy of stumbling onto the blog of an 18-year-old girl who can't really describe herself in 500 words or less, such as in little text boxes like these. She didn't intend her blog to really become so much like her online diary (she was hoping it would have an interesting, helpful purpose to serve the world and all) but blogging is just kind of fun. This girl's a bit of an environmentalist and a full-tilt vegetarian, a bit of an artist who can't draw, a bit of a writer who can't find time to read, and a completely hopeless romantic. She enjoys white chocolate, coloring, wading in creeks, music, Doctor Who, and speaking in third-person when it's unnecessary like this.

Now go read the rest of the blog and meet her, if you like of course. :)