Questions, part 2.

So I'm finally, for two days, free of the clutches of the fear and pain demon known as AP English 4. (Granted, I still have to tackle the slightly lesser demon known as AP Biology, but whatever). And that means I finally have a moment of free time to continue my soul searching.

Onward!

5. What is it like being you? More precisely, how do you feel about yourself---physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?

Can I come back to that? Sometimes I don't know. Well, it doesn't do any good to run from anything, so I guess I could give it a try. Um... I mean, it feels normal I guess. Honestly, emotionally and spiritually, I feel kind of advanced from other people my age. Sure that sounds egotistical and stupid, but really, lots of kids my age are total atheists because they're too lazy to think about God. I don't know. I feel like... not profound. I don't feel like I've been through this before, like an old soul. Maybe I have. I feel like I had one past life or so. But that's totally not answering the question. Physically, I'm a wimp, and I can't even do a push up. Otherwise I'm healthy. Mentally, well, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, and I'm like manth-dyslexic. Now my boss is making me run inventory and is giving me this crazy numbers system to use that involves painful mental math... fml. Emotionally, I'm okay, normal for a teenager I suppose. Spiritually, not so bad. I know what I believe, so at least that's down. I still don't feel like I answered this question. I still can't keep up a texting conversation with Colin either. It's like I'm not interesting to him anymore. Jeezus I need to learn when to move on.

6. When do you feel inspired? Who and what contribute to your sense of inspiration? How does it feel when you are inspired?
When I am inspired, my mind clears. Right now, my mind is a foggy mess. Usually, music inspires me. Nature and long walks inspire me. I consider inspiration to be a cleared head. I think I inherently like working hard for stuff (wow loser haha) but I can't work when my thoughts are clouded. So clearing my head would enable me to work. So things that clear my head... a bubble bath, a cup of tea, a long walk outside, driving, playing piano, and sometimes just forcing myself to get stuff done, so, if anything, i have less to think about.

7. What is the most important thing in the world to you?
Hm. Unconditional love. Jesus had that. Close families have that. Best friends have that. It is my goal to love everyone, unconditionally, just like Jesus.

8. If you had one day to live, how would you want to spend it?
Do I know I have one day to live? Does everyone else? Oh, whatever. Well, first, I would wake up at 8 and go for a walk with a friend. Doesn't matter who. I would write letters to people, pick out music for my funeral (haha jk... but no seriously, music is important and i do NOT want people to play the corniest of cliches, amazing grace), I would wear my cutest clothes, I would hug trees, I would hug small animals, I would go wading in a creek, I would take my sisters for ice cream, and in all honestly I'd probably kiss Colin. Because I've never been kissed before. And I have no need to focus on getting over him if I'd be dead.

9. When do you feel most afraid?
Well, in normal scary situations I have this little thing I like to call zen mode, where I just take a deep breath and relax. Whenever lights shut off suddenly and everyone else screams, walking alone at night, getting a really deep cut, etc. I get worried when I think people don't like me. Or when I've done something wrong or to hurt someone. That's when I feel the most afraid. Oh, or when someone is advancing on me with a needle. I've tried very hard, but zen mode does not work in the doctor's office.

10. If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
I want to be a good example. I want to teach people how to love. I want to teach people kindness and generosity. Maybe that's a few things, because to be a good example I have a lot to learn haha.