Questions, part 1.

So a long while back someone left the following questions in one of the comments to aid me in my soul searching. (Thanks, by the way :D)

I might not be able to post in the next few days, because, guess what? I'm working! Yayyyyy. I have a job and they actually want me to come back. Yay! yay yay yay no more rejection! This is like super awesome. Who thought a part time job earning minimum wage washing dishes and being a customer's bitch would be so exciting. :D

Anyway, I just wanted to share my meditations over a couple of those questions that I was given.

1. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
Aw damn. I knew this was coming. There are a few I have to narrow it down. First, my mother. For a while, I had an intense attachment to her, like a little baby with separation anxiety. I think that's why separation from my family at governor's school was so bad for me. People always tell us we are exactly alike; we look alike at this age, we sound alike on the phone, we have the same mannerisms, we act alike... I don't know if I modeled myself after her or not. I never think about being like my mother. It just happens. She is someone I always turn to with most of my problems. I don't have many secrets from her.

Second, my sister. The middle one. She's closer in age to me than my other sister. She's two years younger (the other is five). And she's the one whose shadow I live in, literally sometimes haha. She's about 5 inches taller than me. I don't have many secrets from her either. But she's always got my back. She always defends me and always helps silently. She's very supportive and we always have fun together. I'd actually go and hang out with her now and then. We have similar groups of friends, and hang out with each other's friends and stuff, and I don't mind driving her around. We're polar opposites, though. I'm the dreamer and she's the logical one who always is the voice of reason to bring me back to earth.

Third, I know you guys might want to spit at me or start throwing pointy objects, but Colin. Regardless of what a jerk he's been about this whole thing in the past month. He's honestly one of my best friends. He'll love me unconditionally. I don't mean romantically, i mean deeper than that. He was always there for me freshman year when I went through my self-harm and anorexia and whatever. He was ALWAYS there when no one else was. And he is still always here on the sidelines. Sure, he's a moron, but he's probably a friend I'll have for life. And he has changed me and taught me a lot. Almost none of my girlfriends like him, but he's more of a true friend than most of them, so I learn to balance and he's teaching me what is truly important in a friend.

Fourth, my friend Taylor. She and I have been friends since we were toddlers- the story goes, we were the only two in the class that could talk. I don't know how true this is haha. We rarely talk now because we're both so busy with so many different activities, but we really shaped each others' childhoods a lot and we were sooo similar when we were younger. If we'd never met, I think both of us would be very different people. Also, I have no doubt that she'll also be a forever friend. So that's that.

I don't know which one to pick, because they're all really important. Maybe I'll get back to you later on that.

2. What is the one dream for your life you most look forward to achieving?
I want to have kids. Really bad. I can't wait to show someone the world. I can't wait to love someone unconditionally and have them love me back. I can't wait to fully devote my life to someone who will be fully dependent on me and my future husband. I can't wait to create my own little person, just like God. I can't wait to assist God in a miracle. I really really really can't wait. Like I would have a kid, right now. I am readyyyy. At least, emotionally ready. Perhaps not everything else.

3. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you angry?
I'm going to try to do this fairly, disregarding who I'm angry at now. *ahem.* People who make me angriest are people who get stuff without working hard. I hate favoritism. So much. Don't even get me on my soapbox. It's just that I work my ass of and then they have the nerve to steal all the credit. That makes me so mad. Also, people who are bigoted and closed-minded and inflammatory towards those who are different from them. I can't stand people like that either.

4. Who has the capacity to make you feel loved more than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you feel so loveable?
God these questions really do bite to the soul. I can't say Colin again. I don't want to. I'd say my parents, only this'll sound really dumb and unappreciative. It's just that, while I appreciate the gestures and all, parents are supposed to love you and tell you how pretty and great you are. When it comes from your best friend who happens to be a guy... it means a lot more. Especially when he's so stupid and terrible at giving compliments. When we were at the beach and we were like... wrapped up in each other on a couch watching Lord of the Rings, there was nothing better. Nothing. I could feel his heart beat through his chest, in the same time as mine, like we were in some stupid corny-ass love song. He put his arm around me. I put my head on his chest. He put his head on mine. God. It was soooo nice. He was completely comfortable with me; I was completely comfortable with him. What we could have had, what he said we were going to have, god, it's just going to kill me. What was it, though? Anyone can put their arms around you. I guess it's because, it's your best friend. There's so much between us we don't say. We would die for each other.
 
And I think I'll stop there haha.