So, this is happiness...

I knew it. I just knew it. When January, February, and the first half of March were busy sucking, I was praying that some magic switch would flip the day I turned fifteen and it would be all better. Yesterday, obviously I didn't feel that great about my theory.

But today ... It was like ... I was right! That magical switch that turned on the light and made the darkness stop and the monsters go away... it worked!

Today, my best friend got her first kiss (I'm not going to say who in case she wants to say it herself), and I was so happy I was finally brave enough to try sitting at an actual table at lunch with actual people. And they didn't kick me out! They actually talked to me! It was amazing!

Band class, I could actually play everything for once. I laughed along with everyone else. I smiled for real when I smiled at people, not just to be polite.

So, this is happiness... This is the dog's bollocks, man! I don't think I've been truly happy for months. Just plastering on a smile for the rest of the world, or else trying desperately to make myself happy. Or maybe it was one of my lucky, fleeting hours where I actually feel good.

Too many inner battles are raging in my head, I'm losing count. But today, even though it's raining on the outside, the sun is starting to shine on the inside.

And after writing all that profoundness and all, I'm just ready for tomorrow to suck and the rest of the month to keep sucking. But at least the sun's shining today. =)