oh hai!

It's Sunday and you know what that means... ten on sunday!

Ten plans for the semi-near future:

1. Since I'm a baby, I will live at home and commute to college, hopefully keep my potential jobs, still somehow make friends, somehow find some nice guy to elope with, and all that. Sidebar on this at the bottom. (Bottom bar?) Note: I'm in my junior year of high school and already freaking out about this.
2. Become awesome. Refer to this post.
3. Make section leader again next year.
4. Survive all of my AP classes.
5. Learn how to play the ukulele.
6. Not fail at art.
7. Major in something dealing with marine science or ecology.
8. Live in a house with solar panels or geothermic heating or something awesome like that.
9. Maintain this blog... hopefully.
10. Adopt rescue animals from the shelter.

Okay, now the sidebar. This is what I wrote on it yesterday in my journal and I will share the abridged version with you all:

I just had a huge freak out panic attack for on and off all day long. It was about college and I realized I just can’t live in two places like it was at governor’s school or it would be just like it- panic attack almost every day. Even there, I didn’t feel like I belonged.

But who says I have to belong? Society wants to kick me out of the house right after senior year. Well guess what? I sobbed on my mother, then she said, “nobody’s kicking you out, sweetie. You have three great colleges right here. You can just live at home.” So I cried a little more, she left to pick up my sister from the movies and go shopping and pick up Japanese, and then I thought a little more. Assuming I get a job at *the flower shop* and/or the museum, I can keep those jobs, live at home, and just go to *ahem university*. I can pay my parents for rent, get free meals and laundry, and let that be that. I can cut so much of the room and board costs. I might even make some friends too, it won’t be like, go to school come directly home. I might just hang out there for a little bit. But it won’t be like, living in a dorm, then having a completely different place called home. Which throws me really weird, and I can’t figure out why.

My whole panic attack was because I didn’t feel like I could get truly comfortable because I’d just have to uproot and move out in a mere two years. But you know what? I’ll just do what they do in Europe, live and study at home until I get married or whatever. Not quite. I don't know if that's what they do in Europe. But there’s always the *apartments*. I can be like Nanny after college is out. There, see? I don’t have to move to a big city after all. I can just live my life, and maybe I’ll get bored or feel trapped, but life will be at least familiar and comfortable. (And that’s when I know I’ll be ready to move out and fly solo.) And no one is getting lost or permanently separated. And my sister will probably move out and grow up before I do, but you know what? I don’t care. She has done plenty of stuff before and at the same time as me. Whatever! I don’t have to be dictated by what everyone else does. Ha. So there, society! I beatcha!

Muahaha.

Unfortunately, I’m doing just as my father said – I’m not facing my fears. Remember that email he sent me at governor’s school? Saying I can’t run forever? Well, I’m not. I’m just getting used to the water before I dive in and freeze and get hypothermia and drown. That’s all. Plus, I’m saving him money, so he cannot complain.