musings about life.

As you move on through life, the world gets bigger. When you were three, you played in the sandbox and went to preschool and Goodberry's. When you were six you went to the elementary school and it was a big deal to get your nails done, and you ran errands with your mom. When you were eight you got to bike to friends' houses, you got to order for yourself in restaurants. When you were eleven you started middle school, and the commercial world opened up to you, and you went shopping when you discovered just how cool the mall is. When you were thirteen you had sleepovers and talked on the phone late into the night with your friends about boys, you joined clubs at school, you started your own babysitting business.

Now that I'm nearly sixteen the world opens up a bit more. I get to go driving, I get to worry about college, I get to balance school with winter drum line and oboe and my friends, and I get to worry about a job. I get to learn about the legal world and money and all that stuff that makes me wish I'd just stayed in bed. I still don't have any hope of a boyfriend. And soon I am promised my license, potentially the old, rattling family car. Since my father has lost his job, I won't get it because we can't afford to spend the extra money, so that's out the window.

The pressure on me is to grow up right and to do it gracefully. I'm expected to get all good grades, put enough stuff on my resume to get me into a good college. I'm expected to watch out for my sisters and set a good example. I'm supposed to stay friends with everyone. I have to get Confirmed and otherwise be a good Catholic. I'm expected to learn how to drive in time to get my license by May 1st- that way I can get a parking spot at school. (But we can't afford it anyway, so it doesn't matter.)

Basically I have two more years to learn how the world works before I'm pushed out there into it.

I kind of liked it better when my biggest worry was having to tell my mother I lost my new jump rope, but I know that these are the good times and I had better shut up and enjoy them.