"whups, put the silly thing in reverse..."

(A cookie to anyone who can name the character who said that.)

This is very much backwards. Last year, it annoyed me a bit that he texted me all the time. I felt like he thought I was his personal entertainment system or something. He texted me just to say hi a lot of the time. I wished it away.

Now, I want it back. He doesn’t text back immediately. Or he texts back one word answers. Sometimes, he doesn’t text back at all. He’s not practically waiting by the phone for me to text, like before. Can I blame him? No, definitely not. He’s not my personal entertainment system.

Now, what does this sound like?

Stupid karma. I see how it is. =P

I kinda feel like I was getting eaten by the world last year, so I bit back. Then nothing happened, and now I’m getting eaten from the inside out.

By me biting, I mean me lashing out and wishing for it all to go away.

Now look what happened.

I’m getting eaten from the inside out now.

I am trying to focus on “Across the Universe” as my mantra. It’s not really working…

I keep telling myself nothing’s going to change my world, but it will. Everything will change my world. Everything will change. Nothing can pass me by without moving me or changing me in some way. Nothing can happen without me feeling it. Everything changes me. Everything changes who I am, every time anything happens, I change. In little ways that sometimes I don’t even notice, but I am a different person than I was last year. Last year, I was different than I was in middle school.

Who is John Lennon kidding? “Nothing’s going to change my world.” Right. Jai, Guru Deva. (Means thank you, Guru Deva, the Beatles' meditation coach or whatever you call it. Only I'm being sarcastic here.) Right. Stupid Guru Deva. He’s got it all wrong.