Some thoughts

I wish I could write down the words floating around in my head. More artfully, at least.

I wish that war would stop and people would stop dying. I wish one side wouldn't attack the other because they believe they're wrong. Each side believes they're right, but it doesn't mean the other sides are wrong. There are people on both sides. They are not animals. They are people like you. They have families and hometowns and probably enjoy sleeping in on a day off too. They probably just want to go home too.

I wish that I could do something for my country. As sarcastic as I often am about being patriotic, I'm actually kind of serious. I feel really cheesy right now but I wish there was something I could do. I don't like to watch Americans suffer, or anyone else for that matter. We're America. We're supposed to be the big cheese, the top dog, the land of the free and the home of the brave... but are we? We're kind of getting taken over by silent enemies. I'd list them in an artful way, but I don't think I could do that without ruining it today. *rolls eyes*

I think that Obama can help us, but he needs to stop talking and start walking. I think his health plan is just idiocy. It's like we're heading down the road to becoming a socialist nation.

We're losing ourselves here. We lose our sense of selves. We party now, for tomorrow we die. We don't. It becomes an assumption here that by the time you are 35, you will be in a rocky marriage with kids, working a 40 hour work week....

Whatever, it's late and I should go to bed. Good night.

There is something more. I am being optimistic, but I know I'm right here. XP

DO NOT PLAY CAKE MANIA.

I know, I'm so lame. But when you're at a lab waiting for your stupid gel to be done running, you've got nothing to do. So I logged on to MSN looking for games and I found Cake Mania. I was like, ah, this looks fun!

Do not play it!

It is addicting as hell! Then, I had to finish it when I got home too, just couldn't leave it alone. I wasted most of my evening on it... and now, my fingers hurt, and I have had the living hell annoyed out of me. The last level is impossssible and the people are even bitcher than me, which is crazy. And so effing annoying because they leave and you've got all their cakes lying around that you were just about to give to them and the next people in line are fuming... I was about to throw the effing computer across the room! Not really, but...I'm trying to wind down and chill my mind... Rrrr.

I'm all stressed out all over again.

Ugh.

Do not play Cake Mania. Ever.

Everything to say and no means to say it.

I have a tongue, a mouth, vocal cords, windpipe, lungs, oxygen, a brain (maybe), lips, teeth, etc. I have fingers, hands, arms, skin, muscles, blood, nerves, etc.

Yet none of the above would seem to like to work together to help me get a point across. Nothing deep, at least.

Everyone's moaning about Michael Jackson. Yes, I feel very bad for his death, the King of Pop is dead. What about Charlie's Angels' Farrah Fawcett - who got no publicity? And what about all those nameless people who die young? No one cares. Normal people aren't celebrities.

I don't really get what makes someone a celebrity. Anyone can scream into a microphone and edit it to make it sound good. Anyone can be anorexic and digitally alter all their photos and videos. Anyone can do it.

President Obama swats a fly, he makes the effin' headlines. Granted, he is the president, but come on. He makes the news when he goes to his daughters' soccer games, takes them for ice cream, whatever he does makes the news. I just don't understand why some people are so damn famous. Everyone breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend at some time or another. Millions of nameless people do drugs. That's sad. But no one cares. They care about Miss Slutty McBleachBlond and how she lost point-two pounds.

I'd love to say no one cares, but some people do.

They need to get a life.

And maybe I should change this post's title to "rant about celebrities."

Still, Michael Jackson died and whatever. That's sad. But when I die, I'm going to get a one-line obituary and no one's going to care except for like four people.

I guess I'm not expecting anything more, though. I'll outlive all you bastards, just watch, world. So there. I'm too mean to die. XP

song of the century

Sing us a song of the century
That's louder than bombs and eternity
The era or static and contraband
That's leading us to the promised land
Tell us a story that's by candlelight
Waging war and losing the fight
They're playing the song of the century
Of panic and promise and prosperity
Tell me a story into that goodnight
Sing us a song for me

Movies are stupid.

It's not fair.

Let's think. In every Disney movie, the heroine either starts out as a complete total nobody, or a mega-hottie princess. Think on it. And in just about every Disney movie with one of these, that stupid girl falls in love and gets married in the end.

Let's think some more... Cinderella gets Prince Charming, Jasmine gets Aladdin, the Beauty gets her Beast, miss Megara gets Hercules (whose name should really be Heracles if it's set in Greece), Ariel gets Prince Eric, Mulan gets Shang, Briar Rose/Aurora/Sleeping Beauty gets Prince Phillip, Snow White gets her prince who apparently has no name, Maid Marian gets Robin Hood, Nala gets Simba, Minnie obviously gets Mickey, Esmeralda gets Captain Phoebus, Faline gets Bambi, Jane gets Tarzan, oh my god I could go forever.

And Cypress gets......

BEN AND JERRY!!!!!!!!

My Week In Pictures (and some words too)

This is a plastic coin of my sister's that she bought as a souveneir on a field trip. Look closely. It says, "George Washington" and it has his face on it. Then, in the left corner, it says... "CHINA." America, where is your patriotism? *sigh*

This is the free expression tunnel which is right next to where I go for my internship. I love this place. If I were actually good at art, had access to some spray paint, and a place to paint, I'd so be a graffiti artist. We have a tunnel near my house, but the stupid town won't let it become a free expression tunnel. They must be afraid of teenagers.

I saw this as I was driving home one day. Note the license plate. "TWILITE." ... Are you fuckin' kidding me?? Stephanie Meyer, you have poisoned everyone's mind with your horrible books! My god!

My poor neighbor's cat passed this week. The one I was cat sitting for? Yea. Poor her. She didn't have a lovely death. She had a growth in her stomach, and she couldn't eat or anything like that. I had to give her medicine and make her special food, and clean up when she missed the litter box... again. Poor kitty. I'm going to miss her. This is the card we bought for my neighbor. She is a wreck. It says "On the other side of the bridge to forever, our animal friends wait for us." Awww.

And, it flooded here this week. This is the road that we (my dad and I) took to internship/work. If I were to go wading in it, I'd probably be about waist deep. Yech. That's from all the runoff of the development site up the road, which has been "in progress" for almost two years now. And they ripped down one of the most beautiful trees in the world. It makes me sad to write that. Poor tree.


My sister's birthday is also today, but I have no pictures for that. Also, my other sister has a piano recital this week, the one that she's only practiced about twice for. My brain is totally dead. I've had a stressful week. And, best of all, there is still leftover cookie cake downstairs from my sister's birthday slumber party. Score!

Dicktionary

I've decided to start a Dicktionary. Everything people do to act like a total dickhead, usually in my face.

Today, I drove home from my internship. It's pretty hairy. I think my dad was almost even more scared than me. But anyways. Stop-and-go traffic = bad for nerves. He needs a shot of something hard, haha. Anyway, as it finally started going, the freaking old mini-van wouldn't accelerate fast enough apparently, so this dude in his pimped out SUV behind me revved up his engine, switched lanes, and cut me off, then proceeded to drive off at about 90 miles an hour.

Jeez. Sor-RY, dude. You get entry one in the dicktionary. Grrrr.

People, feel free to be afraid, and feel very free to be very afraid. You'll probably see a lot more entries in this baby.

I feel trapped.

Over the summer, my world shrinks. No marching band competitions, no school, fewer oboe lessons, less friends houses because they're all away, etc. Life is just so boring over the summers. I'm lonely. I have my sisters to hang with and that's it. And my grandmother, but it's awkward because for some reason, we've never quite clicked and I never know what to talk about. And I feel bad because I know that we should click, but... I dunno.

I start my internship on Monday, and that's at a university about 30 minutes away. Then, maybe my world will grow a little bit. My dad leaves around 7:30 for work, and he wants to take me on the way. Maybe I'll hang there downtown for an hour or so, get breakfast or whatever at some little cafe, then scoot on down to the campus and all that.

But still, I feel trapped. My friend had a birthday party two days ago and I saw some friends, and today was senior graduation and I had to go with the band to play Pomp and Circumstance a million zillion times... and still I'm just kind of lonely. I get like one or two emails a day, either from my mom nagging me about something, band broadcasts, bible readings, chain mails my sister sends me... I've emailed some people but they just won't email back. I mean, I know people have lives, but still. Same with texting and whatever... This is like, a trend. My friends just won't talk to me. *sigh* Whatever. I'm tired of caring about it, I'm tired of worrying about it. I think I just worry too much.

Ugh, I dunno. I'm just lonely, bored, and feeling trapped. Hopefully this will all change in a few days. *dies*

Oh, also, I went chalking in the driveway yesterday. Perhaps I shall post pictures. If I feel like it.

Amurrica

Welcome to Amurrica, where more people vote for American Idol than they do for the president.

Anyways, I know it's not Sunday (it's Thursday, yay) but I'd like to post another list of ten more things that piss me off. I'm just in that kind of mood, you know? XP

1. People barging right in without knocking, or knocking, then barging right in without waiting for an answer.

2. People who think that screaming louder makes their point stronger.

3. Being sweaty.

4. Being itchy.

5. Being sore.

6. Being hot.

7. Being bored.

8. Getting up early.

9. The phone ringing almost every 10-20 minutes, like it does here. Ugh. Also, the doorbell ringing twice a day, usually always some stupid sweaty, sticky kid asking for my sister to play in a very high-pitched, whiny voice. Double-ugh.

10. I know this is stupid and trivial, but the fact that I was the one who begged for a new Sims game for X-Mas last year since mine somehow died or whatever, and my sister is the one who got it. WTF? That just annoys me to no end. Also, when it had worked, I asked for just one measly expansion pack, many times over, and I got the answer no, many times over. My sister now has three. And, I got my first new/non-hand-me-down computer ever for eighth-grade graduation, it's like the best in the house, and it won't run Sims. And, that probably means that the new Sims 3 won't run on my computer either and that my sister is going to get it instead. *sigh* I know that's so dumb to complain about but it's just so annoying!

And, I'm so bitchin' bored. I have nothing nothing nothing nothing to do except chores. This is why I kinda hate summer.

But then, it's better than suffering through school every day. *sigh*

Chasing Rainbows

Have you ever had a dream... hm. How to describe.

I've got this dream. I want it so badly. I don't want to tell anyone because they'd probably laugh in my face. I feel like Herbert from Monty Python... who just wants to sing... *shakes head* See, that's exactly the reaction I'm going to get.

Ever had a dream that you know would never come true, that you know you could hardly face even if you did achieve it, that you know goes against everything you know to be true about yourself...

Blaring hormones are making this really tough to figure out.

Anyhow... Today was my last day of school! YESH! And, and, and, my grandmother is moving in today. That's that.

And, I'm frickin' confused.

Oh, and here's my horrorscope for the week:

This transit will make you more sociable. You will be energetic, full of go. Good position if you are in an examination period, or in a competition. Oh yay, exams are over today!

You will be determined and energetic. You will want to go out, to travel, to see friends. I still feel like a hermit crab, amazingly enough. Your feelings will be controlled, no passion.

You will be in a good mood, business will go well, love life will be fine, you will want to go out and see the world. You take your time, and will think carefully before making the slightest decision. Don't worry. Usually I think way too carefully before making the slightest decision.

There will certainly be a change in your life, a change for the better. You will be in a good mood, business will go well, love life will be fine, you will want to go out and see the world. You will live through a very good period, especially on the intellectual front.

You will be energetic, solid, resistant, spirited, trustworthy, hardy and resolute. You will be full of energy, and take on the work of Hercules. Your faith in yourself will be stronger, your convictions will be reinforced. Ummm...

You will be weakened, not in form: you won't be in a good mood and will be incapable of action or finishing your tasks. Damn ADD! (joking, mostly) Your judgement will be hasty. You will meet people you find fascinating but who may make you forget your duties through their originality. Ummm...??

You will act out of proportion. You will often be prone to fear, imaginary terrors. (OMG! FLYING PURPLE SQUIRRELS! HALLLP!) Kidding. Mostly.

A dead calm as far as love is concerned. Dead calm? Ouch! You will live beyond your means.

Did you read that carefully?Are you also wondering something along the lines of "WTF???" Because I am. That's usually what I'm wondering most of the time... But whatever, screw it.

Ten Little Things

Everyone has little things that piss them off. Especially me. I'll do a list for what pisses me off.


10. People mixing up lose and loose. You lose something because it was loose, you don't loose something because it was lose. Gah.

9. Will Ferrell. I can't stand him, he is just so damn annoying.

8. People jumping up in your face. And asking a million questions at once. Too much input. That drives me nuts.

7. Every light in the house being on. Drives me crazy. My sisters just apparently don't know how light switches work.

6. The buzzing of a television when someone leaves it on. My dad can't hear it and he leaves the bonus room tv on all the time. I can hear it all the way downstairs, it's like a bee buzzing in your ear.

5. The sound of styrofoam when it squeaks. It makes me feel like my hair is falling out and my teeth are getting loose.

4. Text-speak. Just write it out peeps, it takes two extra seconds to put an e in front of "xtra." Also annoying - u, b, 2, r, @, 2morow, bcuz, ily, cya l8r, etc. Unless you are really, really in a hurry, please refrain and let us try and keep traditional English alive in a world where it is fading into TEXT-SPEAK. Rrrrr.

3. The word kool. My friend uses it all the time in texting and it drives me crazy.

2. That I have to wait until freaking 2010 to find out what happened in Lost! Ugh!

1. Feeling lonely. There is nothing worse than no one responding to you. *sigh* After a while it gets frustrating and you just start banging your head against the wall. Or, I do at least. It's a wonder the house hasn't fallen down yet from me banging my head on it. *sigh*

I am so, so, so, so, so bored. My last exam (and therefore my last day of school) is tomorrow, and today, I have nothing to do but yardwork and chores. And study. And my grandmother is moving up here for four months, so I get to help set up her new apartment. Hm. Should be fun.

I have a rant.

Boys are stupid.

You are a boy.

Therefore, you are stupid.

Life is like chess...

Chess, it's a game. It's like life. Life is not a game... or is it? It doesn't mean we can't play, fight back. There are lots of days where I feel like Life's pawn, where it's just waiting to screw me over and hurl me into the path of the queen.

Things are unfolding slowly, though. We wait for something better, in time, it comes. Things are falling into place, at last. It's the little things that get you through the day - a cup of tea for breakfast, an A on a biology quiz you studied so hard for, catching fireflies, lying in bed at night and listening to the giant bullfrog under your window...

I think I'm going to pull out, at last. Anne Lamott says there are only two true prayers - "Help me, help me, help me," and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." She's right. For most of this year, it's been "Help me, help me, help me," but this May and June, it's all gotten better. It's the end of the stupid school year, at last. Summer won't exactly be a relaxing break, but for now, I am happy where I am. That's all that matters, right?

Maybe the pawns are the ones who save the day. Seemingly the most disposable, they're like the unsung heroes in chess, who pave the way for the big pieces to cream the opposing team. They get thrown into the path of danger with no complaint, then they're stuck watching their teammates win after they threw that poor little pawn away.

Sometimes, I think, these little pawns should see their teams lose. It's sweet revenge in a sick, twisted way. They threw you away for nothing, maybe now they regret it. Sometimes, I think it takes a loss for people to wake up and rethink their strategies. Sometimes, I think it takes stepping down from thinking only about the big pieces.

And sometimes, I just think too damn much.