Cypress:

is: depressed.

thinks: ____________

has: a headache.

misses: peace and quiet.

enjoys: a book and blanket.

hates: the sticky heat, talking.

dreads: having to be section leader when she has no idea what she's doing.

wishes: that this would hurry up.

feels guilty because: this is fun and she is enjoying herself and all.

feels: tired.

also wishes: that some boy would come talk to her, a pretty one preferably.

also also wishes: that she were thinner.

also also also wishes: that her period were over.

is trying to: get her mood off the swingset.

blogging governor's school, the fourth and final part

i am at governor’s school.
i’m having a great ti-
screw this, i can’t write poetry.
who am i kidding?
i’ve been lying
 all
  this
   time.
did i trick you into thinking i was a poet?
     someone artsy,
      someone to be secretly jealous of?
       someone with her own true sense of style
        someone
              unique?
      it wouldn’t hurt my pride if you said no, i didn’t.
you see, it’s just like
                                everywhere else.
i put on a face for
                                everyone else.
i always act like i’m
                                somebody else.
who am i really?
i mean who am i inside?
who’s hiding behind the mask?
   i’m not   funny.
   i’m not    brave.
   i’m not     cool.
   i’m not      interesting.
   i’m not       creative.
   i’m not        talented.
   i’m                       none of that.
but i have made people think i am...
so...
    am i
                                              the light person
i act like to other people? or
    am i
                                              the dark person
who i am convinced really lives inside?
just who am i?
just who do i think i am?
which one does that make me?
oh, philosophy class is getting
to me.

blogging governor's school, part 3

I'm having a great time here.

Yesterday I went home for a little bit. That was one of the worst mistakes I think I ever made. I was okay until I got to my room, then I started crying and couldn't stop. I cried all through dinner, right in front of my family. I cried in the car on the way back and I cried in my dorm. I even cried a little bit signing myself back in and on the way to the auditorium for convocation, but I eventually did stop and was okay.

This morning I  got up and took a shower and started crying again in the bathroom. I miss everything. I miss not seeing my canopy over my head when I wake up. I miss my sisters yelling. I miss getting up late in the summer. I miss hanging out with my friends. I miss having shampoo waiting in the shower for me. I miss having my own room. I miss my computer. I miss my fish. I miss everything. I'm still crying a little. It will stop for a bit and I think I'm fine, but then I'll think of my family again and start almost crying all over again. I barely made it through first period without sobbing.

I have five weeks left. I really don't think I can do this.

happy father's day!

Hey everyone and all the dads out there. I wish you the best of the best and hope you can all be home with your families!

It's also my sister's birthday today, soooo... Yay June 20. Happy weekend everyone!

blogging governor's school, part 2

Here is a conversation between me and someone else today.

Me: Hey, you know how coffee has caffeine and makes you hyper? What if they had like, a reverse coffee, that made you not hyper?
Person: Like... alcohol? ...

So much for intelligent conversation.

Yeah... so, not sure what to make. I was hoping to meet some cute guys and potentially my soulmate here. I've seen loads of guys but never had the courage to talk to them. We're always so separated. I just... I don't know. I'm meeting lots of girls and that's great... but there are still some people I wish I could be like, friends with, back at home, and there are the same type of people here but I can't get up the courage to talk to them. I don't see what is so hard.

It's like. "Hey, I'm Cypress." Then... - (see above conversation) - followed by Cypress blushing, trying fruitlessly to continue small talk, and ultimately coming up with some dumb excuse why I have to leave (my roommate is probably wondering where I am, I'll be late for class, I just remembered I left my music in my dorm, etc.) and then it was a total flop and I feel like a nerd.

What else is new.

they're partying out on the quad and part of me wants to join them. I have also been running around like all day to electives and stuff (today was area one, lunch, then later area one since all my classes are tomorrow, meditation elective, the undead and society (or whatever it's called) lecture, the poetry reading, and then the required films at 7. I really kind of want some time to myself, but part of me thinks I should go out and meet my soulmate who I'm convinced is here and is hopefully not just as shy as me.

Sorry for like spilling my heart out here, but my computer journal is on my red USB drive which is in fact MIA 0.o but it's okay because the important journals were password protected. my nerdy little sci-fi story i'm writing was not. but oh well. It's so much faster to type this than it is to write in my regular journal, soooooo.....

Comment if you feel like it.

blogging governor's school.

so here i am at governor's school. first day. classes start tomorrow. They've got a ton of electives and junk that you can do. I want to do meditation. but they've got a bunch of other stuff there- like a capella, "the evil genius" and "the simpsons in society" and world music and stuff... it is all just the coolest bitchin' things ever.

i lost my USB drive with my computer journal on it. could be bad. thank goodness i password protected it and only made that document start at may. sigh.

well i gotta go. it's time for lights out. bye.

graduation.

They called you up. First name, middle name, last name. I didn't know your middle name and expected it to be something ridiculously Jewish that I could never spell, like Efrayim, or something, but it was only Evan.

I was playing in the band, to the left of the stage - where they were giving out diplomas. I watched you walk up. I'd been mentally preparing myself for this all week. Did I cry? Debatably, no. You shook hands with the principal, took your diploma, and walked further right off the stage. It was quite symbolic. You walked away, further from me now than ever before. Now you'll be out of my life for good.

I'll probably never see you again, dear Evan, but what do you care- you'll just go away to college in Wisconsin or wherever you're going, forget about this town, forget about your promises to visit, forget about this stupid school, and forget about me.

And I'll try to forget about you.

afternoon walks

These pictures were all taken by me on some of my afternoon walks that my shiny red camera and I like to take. These all are from where I said I'd post pictures and never did.

Moustache on Rob Patz? Note it.

Litter in the pond behind my neighborhood. Ewwww.

Cute.

Evidence of beavers. Anyone know what kind of snake that is? I nearly stepped on it... while chasing a butterfly. Naturally.

This creek runs under a highway right next to the pedestrian tunnel. I hate that tunnel because there are no lights and it feels like a horror movie where the grudge is about to pop out or something. So I took this picture when I got out on the other side, like, "look creek, we both made it!" I wasn't sure how well I would do on the way back because we'd be going different ways, but I decided to deal with it later. I was texting while I was in there.

The marshes. This is what I kept walking for two miles to find haha. They're so pretty. Aside from the perpetual road noise, and the neighborhood that looms up on a hill to the west.

Another thing that makes the marshes not pretty is the giant bypass that is being built right next to them. I really, really hate noisy roads and development. Out there on that greenway is one of the quietest places that I can walk to, but nooo. The system works, let's screw it up. Welcome to 2010 Cypress.