tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9210281263281127291.post5671228032642211883..comments2023-09-22T06:52:29.584-04:00Comments on Midnight Mantra: things, part 1.Cypresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06745507383219024801noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9210281263281127291.post-82561468161085047792011-08-15T16:00:54.832-04:002011-08-15T16:00:54.832-04:00OMG. I love you. Thanks soooo much for taking the ...OMG. I love you. Thanks soooo much for taking the time to read that and then give me all that quality advice. Actually environmental journalism is all over my mind lately- I went to college meetings and stuff about that! <br /><br />I'm probably going to print out your comments and put them on my piano and meditate on them daily. thanks sooooooooooooo much!!Cypresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06745507383219024801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9210281263281127291.post-6065489315637313482011-08-15T10:49:38.915-04:002011-08-15T10:49:38.915-04:00Longest comment ever. I know.
5 Steps to a Succes...Longest comment ever. I know.<br /><br />5 Steps to a Successful Resolution:<br /><br />1) Be nice twice. The first time, you're going to be nice by asking to speak with them. Maybe even pay for their lunch with the money from that job you just got the balls to call your boss over ;). There's the first time. Your second time will come up soon.<br /><br />2) Use "I statements." Don't say things like "You shouldn't have..." or "Why would you..." Start with, "I had my feelings hurt when you didn't..." or "I had a hard time understanding why you..." That makes people less defensive and more likely to help. We're all hard-wired to be nice to someone when they're down. Be down. You obviously are hurt. Don't be afraid to let that show.<br /><br />3) Hear them out. Without bias. This is the hard part. Sometimes after you've gone to all this trouble, it's hard to hear you're wrong. But hear it. We all make mistakes. Hear what they're saying. If you were wrong, say you're sorry, and propose a solution for the future. (Communication is almost always the solution.) If you were right, they handled it one of two ways: Either they accepted responsibility and apologized, or they made excuses.<br /><br />4) Be nice twice. Here comes the second time. No matter their response (mature or immature), here's your second chance. Say something like, "I really appreciate you apologizing. I'll try to be better about communicating too, and maybe this won't happen again." If they were dumb say something like, "I didn't mean this as an attack. I didn't want to offend you. I really was just hurt and I want you to hear me out." This shows maturity. It shows that you're willing to keep your cool when they aren't.<br /><br />5) If it went really well and you both did well. The important next step is to actually do what you both said you would. If the other person wasn't so good. You've got this: Final statement. If their response to your number 4 wasn't so good, you've already been nice twice. You don't need a third time. That's letting yourself get walked on. You can say something like, "I'm sorry we couldn't work this out for ourselves maturely. Perhaps I need to bring in our supervisor." or you could say, "I'm sorry you feel that way. When you're ready to apologize for the way you've treated me, I'll be ready to resume our friendship. Until then, I think we need some time apart."<br /><br />So... that's it! Be nice first. Say I. Listen. Be nice again. And wrap it up. That's helped me a lot. It means that you don't look like an idiot or a bitch. And people for the most part respond really well to it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14588317571259578068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9210281263281127291.post-24338604072558784182011-08-15T10:35:42.237-04:002011-08-15T10:35:42.237-04:001. Honey, isn't that the truth. We all lie, al...1. Honey, isn't that the truth. We all lie, all the time. Unless you're stupid, you have to lie. Stupid people can't see things as they are. Everyone is good, and everyone is evil. And our whole lives we are trying to pretend the evil isn't there. Or some point it out all the time and make some up. But that's not us. Because we want people to like us we note things silently... then we blog about them. Therefore: we're honest here where we aren't otherwise.<br />2. No is hard. The better you know yourself, the easier it is to say no. You'll know what you want better. I went to Catholic school. :P I was made to believe that every time I stubbed my TOE it was punishment for something. So... yeah. I get it. ;)<br />3. No and yes! I think it's just decisions you fear. You want other people to make them so you can't make the wrong ones, right? And what yes might that be with him? The yes to a relationship? The yes to a step you weren't ready for? You can't spend your time thinking about why he left you, because if it didn't happen, it wasn't supposed to. Someday you'll be happily married to someone thinking: I'm so glad he didn't want me enough, because I never could have found this. Remember that. Keep calm and carry on.<br />4. I'm terrible on the phone! But I sell Mary Kay now, so I had to get over it. My 70 year-olds don't exactly want a text to tell them about the new eye-shadow-liner duo. :P They just don't. It takes a lot of confidence. Write down your question exactly how you want it said and maintain a really professional (fake) tone the whole call. Being someone else helps when you're on the phone. Even if that sounds bad, it's true. Be the confidence you wish you were.<br />5. We all hate letting go. I HATED high school, and I cried at graduation. Because loss is hard. It just is. You'll cry a lot this next year. But the trick is to cry, then get excited. Cry about your last home football game at home, but then be so excited about all the ones you'll attend in college! For every loss there is a gain. It's only a matter of finding it.<br />6. I'm seeing a lot of myself in this post. Yeah. Confrontations SUCK. And I hardly ever do them. But I've been through enough conflict resolution classes to know what will work and what won't. I'll just add another comment (because this one's getting long) with my steps to a successful resolution.<br />7. Have you considered environmental journalism? You have to be good under pressure and with deadlines, but those can be learned skills. You are a good writer. You care about the environment. Really, people change their minds a hundred times in college. That's part of the process. Don't think you need to go in POSITIVE that you're going to study one thing, because it will change. But that might be somewhere to start.<br />8. Again. That will come with confidence. Know you're right, then move on. Don't let yourself think too long on something. AND STOP BLAMING YOURSELF OVER THAT BOY!<br />9. That's human nature. I do it too. Even the prettiest, smartest girls in the world do it. Boys do it too. Look at your strengths. If you focus on what other people are good at, you'll never get better at what you're good at. Find something to be a part of, you know? College will be the perfect place. If I could have told High School Senior Maddie how happy she would be in a year, I think I would have been happier, you know? There's something final and sad about your senior year. But college is so much better. You can find a niche easier. There are more organizations. There are things that you can RUN! In high school everything is such a popularity contest... but college isn't. Just be you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14588317571259578068noreply@blogger.com